


Tradition (Happy New Year)

by towardstheair



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-10
Updated: 2011-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-14 15:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/150813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towardstheair/pseuds/towardstheair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam gives up on tradition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tradition (Happy New Year)

New Years Eve 2010

For the longest time celebrating New Year's Eve has been a tradition for Adam. His small group of friends arranged a party every year, and they were always more amazing as each year past. Last year that tradition had been broken and in a way this year was no different. It's a party, which is an improvement from last year; where he performed for his fans and hung out with his band afterwards. It's not that it wasn't special, but somehow it just wasn't enough. He can see all his friends from where he is standing at the bar, everywhere in the room there are people he knows and loves and this, this should be all he needs. He doesn't know how long he has before the countdown will start and he doesn't have enough time to look back at what has been another roller-coaster of a year. All he has is a determination to find the one person he wants to see more than anyone.

The sound of voices around him is growing louder, people cheering and clutching onto one another as the music fades to silence and the countdown begins. 10... 9... 8.... He feels like there is something deeply rooted inside of him that knows how to find Kris no matter where he is. Despite the fact he can feel people tugging on his arms, laughing and pulling him to throw him in the middle of the crowd, he can still see Kris on the outside of the crowd, his arm around Katy.

The countdown continues 7...6... 5... He smiles at Kris and hopes that he can see him from across the room. He can hear familiar voices in his ear, his friends holding onto him, happy and excited. He wishes he could be in the moment with them, focused and intent on bringing in the New Year with them, but it's hard when all he can see is Kris. 4... 3... Kris is focused on Katy now, their bodies turned to one another and Adam remembers that Kris isn't his to want. 2... 1... A pair of lips find his, and it could be anyone but he kisses back with a force because he can and if he tries hard enough he can pretend it's who he really wants it to be.

The explosion of sound comes seconds later, the cheering, laughter and music returns. He gets spun around in the crowd and its disorienting and blinding until he stops. He blinks and Kris is standing in front of him, smiling widely and holding him steady without him even realising. It feels like Kris falls into his arms and its instinct now for Adam to wrap his arms around him too. The room may as well be empty to Adam now, its silent and calm and everything is Kris, his hands pressing firmly against Adam's back.

“Happy New Year.” Kris says the words against Adam's chest and the response Adam has gets lost somewhere as he buries his face in Kris's hair and presses a kiss to his head.

 

\--

New Years Eve 2011

 

The idea to throw a New Year's Eve party had not been Adam's. Somehow he had let Neil and Brad convince him that it would be a brilliant idea. The party wasn't so bad, it was just unfortunate that he couldn't really hide away when he had to be the perfect host. Even now he was rushing to get back outside to his guests, as he carried more alcohol in his hands. It was strange, but New Year's didn't feel the same to him anymore. He remembers other New Year's where he'd need a week to recover but now all he can think about is what needs to be done tomorrow. What time he has to be up by and what city he will be in next. It's nice to have quiet moments where he doesn't need to think about it and it's hard because everyone wants a piece of him and everyone wants to know what he has planned next.

If Adam didn't love it so fucking much he might consider running away from it all. But he knows that he'd miss it. And he has absolutely no regrets. He hates that he has become that person on New Years, who instead of looking forward to good things the New Year might bring, he focuses only on all the bad things that happened previously. Which is just crazy and not who he is at all.

He can't help but smile when he steps outside into the back yard, there are a few people mingling in the house but mostly everyone is outside underneath what looks like thousands of fairy lights all hung up on the canopy above his head. It's quite a cold night, there's a slight breeze in the air but Adam is pretty sure the good moods of everyone and the amount of alcohol they are all consuming is a big help.

Kris is easy to spot because he is the only one standing alone amongst the groups of people around him. It's not that Kris is uneasy or uncomfortable around Adam's friends. Adam knows the reason he is alone is because the year has been hard for him. It started out hard and then went downhill and all Adam could do was to be there for his friend. Which really has been the easiest thing in the world.

Kris had turned up on his door four months ago and he still hasn't left. Kris didn't really talk about the divorce and Adam didn't ask. What Kris did do was demand more hugs from Adam and that they spend more time together and really Adam had no problem with that. What he did have a problem with, was the moments when Kris thought there was no-one around and he would drift away somewhere else, his eyes sad and longing. Adam didn't need to ask to know that he was thinking about Katy and her new life with her new boyfriend.

Midnight is minutes away and Adam doesn't have the barrier keeping him away from Kris now. He is free to walk over to Kris and take his hand and bring in the New Year with him. Maybe it doesn't mean the same thing to Kris but Adam is happy to take whatever he can get. He walks outside away from the people grouping together, and he turns back once when he hears his name being called, but it's lost somewhere in the noise and he can't make out where it comes from. Kris is watching him grow closer and the smile on his face is still the same bright smile he always gives Adam. Even when Kris is going through the toughest moments of his life, Adam can always count on that smile, a smile that doesn’t fade whenever Adam is around.

Adam finds it easy to ignore the noise behind him when he reaches Kris, he turns so his back is to them and Kris follows his lead.

“Thank you, Adam.”

Kris takes hold of Adam's hand and just like every time Kris touches him, everything else falls away. The music in the background fades and he can vaguely hear the countdown beginning but the only thing that's clear is Kris' voice.

“I don't think you realise how much it's meant to me. Having you in my life.”

Kris doesn't say things like this, when he wants to convey something important he does it with actions and hugs and they all mean so much to Adam. But this is something else and Adam wants to remember he wants to remember Kris, to have the image of his face and this moment in his mind. Kris meets him half way and Adam can't turn to look because Kris has pressed his lips to Adam's cheek, his hand on the other side of Adam's face. It's lingering, blissful and strange because Kris has never initiated anything like this before and when he pulls away he is looking happier than Adam has seen him look for a long time.

“Happy New Year, Adam.”

\--

New Years Eve 2012

 

Adam really has no reason or right to be so angry about it. He thought his days of having New Year traditions were long gone, but he can't really deny it now. He wants to be with Kris on New Year's. He didn't care where they went, he just wanted them to be together. He's gotten used to having Kris there by his side every year, to having Kris with him every day recently. He feels like complete crap about the whole thing, especially how he was with Kris on the phone two days ago. Why shouldn't Kris want to stay with his family for New Year's? He had been so busy this year with touring and working on his album that he had barely seen them. These were all valid reasons and none that Kris should have to explain to Adam. It was ridiculous and selfish for him to feel angry at Kris, the universe and at every single thing, but he did.

The year had gone too quickly, full of world tours, album releases and hundreds of things in-between. It was exhausting and liberating and the small amount of time he got to himself was spent with Kris, both of them re-living every single moment they had apart. It was strange how neither of them had a discussion about Kris moving in. It had happened gradually, Kris never asked and Adam didn’t need to give permission. It felt right to have Kris in his home, in their home, one bedroom down and always, always there.

This year had been better for Kris, his album was full of angst and heartbreak, freedom and love and his fans loved it. Critics loved it. It was beautiful, every single word pure, honest and real. It was everything Kris had wanted to make and the pride he felt towards it was completely justified. Adam was happy to confess that all of Kris' songs were the most played on his I-pod.

It was just one night that Kris wouldn't be with him, one night out of who knows how many others that they had spent together. He really did not want to feel this way about it, he feels like he is being petty and immature because he hasn't gotten his own way. It's only New Years, its only a big deal if he makes it one. He's trying to keep himself in the moment, focus on his friends dancing around him, listen to what Brad is saying in his ear but his brain doesn't seem to want to shy away from what Kris is doing right now. The song is fading down and he knows another year is seconds away and automatically he starts to go over everything he has accomplished in the year.

The list is amazing; a life that was just a dream a few years ago has become reality. And all of it is enough; he feels contented with his place in the world, safe and loved by his friends. He feels selfish for wanting more, for wanting blissful happiness and Kris in his arms whispering declarations of love in his ear. But that is what he wants and over the years he has known Kris he can look back and see all the life changing moments, when he was happiest or when he was at his lowest and somehow Kris is always there in the memory. He can link them all to Kris without even trying and it is enough to know that, to know that Kris was there for all of them, sharing them with him in some way. It just doesn't stop him from wanting more.

The countdown has started and he smiles down at Brad who is pressed against James, someone who Adam first met eight months ago as Brad's boyfriend and it says so much that he is still here after eight months. He hasn't seen Brad look at someone like that for a long time, in fact he's pretty sure the last person was him. It's good to see his friends so happy around him and its easy to feel happy with them all holding onto him, laughing and counting down.

5...4... 3...

He hasn't changed much over the last few years, at least he doesn't feel like he has. Sometimes when he looks in the mirror he can still see the red-haired kid with little self confidence but a fierce determination. Sometimes he can see himself in his first apartment in L.A, his head full of dreams and his pockets empty. Those versions of him are still somewhere in there. Now, he feels accomplished and respected but before all he had were dreams that meant everything to him. He wants to laugh at those versions of his old self because now he knows that there is so much more, that he needs so much more.

2...1...

It's just another year over and a new one beginning and as usual he has no idea what to expect. Hands tug at his arms, and he throws himself into embraces and hears himself wishing his friends Happy New Year. Somewhere outside there are fireworks and the bang and the shouting continue around him. He won't fight it, he'll let himself be in the moment, lose himself in it and try to forget that he wishes someone else was here. Everyone seems to move all as one, going where the crowd takes them and for most its heading towards the bar. Adam disentangles himself from his friends and watches as the couples pair off and share lingering kisses, and he swears he doesn't feel a hint of jealousy.

He wants to go outside to the small excuse of a balcony that Brad has in his apartment so he can watch the fireworks, but there is little chance of him escaping. He can already feel a hand on his arm turning him around and he has the words ready to explain why he’s not inside with everyone else but they fall away when Kris smiles up at him.

“Happy New Year, Adam.”

Adam thinks it might be an hallucination, even though he really hasn't had that much to drink. Kris' hand doesn't drop away from his arm, he clings onto Adam like his life is depending on it and they are crushed together as people move around them. It's easy for Adam to hug Kris, and Kris really doesn't seem to mind. Adam feels like Kris is wrapping his whole body around Adam's, his arms move to secure around Adam's waist and they stay there while Kris buries his face in Adam's chest.

It's indescribable when he feels Kris press kisses against his chest. The neck of his shirt is low and the feel of Kris' lips against his skin make him shiver; there is no way Kris hasn't noticed. Kris is laughing as he pulls away, he looks pleased with himself.

“Why are you here? How are you here?”

Kris' laughter fades. “When I got off the phone with you the other day, I realised that I didn't want to spend New Year with anyone else... but you.”

Adam laughs, he can't believe that this is real, that Kris is really here. There is nothing remotely funny about the situation, but he can't help but laugh, except that Kris looks up at him with wide eyes and the sincerest look on his face that Adam has ever seen and suddenly it's not so funny anymore. “Kris...”

“I feel like an idiot.”

“Why?”

“Because... I'm not good at this.”

“Good at what?”

“This.” Kris motions between the two of them and Adam can feel him trying to move away and he refuses to let Kris move even an inch away from him, so he presses Kris against him more, his hands clutching into the back of Kris' jacket. “I've only ever asked out like three people and one of them was when I was 10 years old and my Mom was there and she made us cookies, so I don't think that counts...”

“Well, I do love your Mom's cookies.”

Kris smiles, he isn't resisting anymore and he rests his head against Adam's chest again. The feel of Kris' breath against his skin is enough for him to nearly forget that Kris was halfway through trying to tell him something and he thinks it might be pretty important.

“Kris... what are you trying to say?”

Kris shrugs. “I don't even know. Do I have to say it? Can't I just kiss you and have you figure the rest out for yourself?”

Kris is kidding, sort of, Adam can tell from the tone in Kris' voice and the way he looks up at Adam with his lip curved into a small smile. “So, no big speech or serious talk about how this could ruin our friendship?”

“It won't.”

Like everything else, Kris expected it to be a natural progression just another addition to their relationship and all the time Adam had been waiting for a moment when he would realise that maybe Kris wanted the same thing. They had both been waiting for the same thing, he didn't want to think about all the time they had wasted when they could have been so much more.

There was noise and commotion around him, music and shouting and it would have been distracting in any other circumstance. It was New Year and he had Kris in his arms waiting to be kissed and why was he still wasting time thinking about this. When Adam presses his lips against Kris' there's nothing but pent up feelings built up over the years coursing through them both. Kris clutches on tightly to Adam, eagerly demanding Adam's lips open with his tongue. Adam has never denied Kris anything and he isn't about to start, his fingers tighten in Kris' hair slowly turning his head to deepen the kiss.

Neither of them want to break away, Kris' hands keep moving everywhere he can reach and Adam wants to remember every single thing about the moment. His back hits the wall behind them with a dull thud and Kris' entire body is pressed against and it's blissful oblivion. Reluctantly he pulls back to breathe, Kris' face between his hands and an entire year in front of him.

“Happy New Year, Kris.”


End file.
